I CAN MOONWALK!
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
