I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
