my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
