On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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