i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
