I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
