how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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