he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
