being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
