i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Can you bring me the toilet please
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
