I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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