I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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