Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
