Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
What drink are we having for lunch?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
