This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
