The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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