I hate all girls vehemently.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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