I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I am spending my child support on dildos
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
