Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
