the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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