exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Randomize
