theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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