Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
