i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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