WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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