You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
What drink are we having for lunch?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
