I intend to get homeless drunk
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I love you. Go after that dick
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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