In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
