if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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