If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
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