Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
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