she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
