Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
