if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Sorry my hands just texted you
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
