i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
