So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
