two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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