i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
