he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
