no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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