your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
