lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
