I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
