Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize
