im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
