Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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