All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
