Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
