i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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