You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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