we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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